LIVING LIFE IN THE SLOW LANE

A Blessing-Magnet?

A year ago, I was just counting my days as a Consultant in ADB. Although my mind was set to finish my graduate studies, hindi maitatago ang kaba and takot because it was the first time wala akong mailipatan na work. I have a townhouse to pay monthly, I have kids to send to school, I have my fixed expenses... bottomline, san ako kukuha ng pera?

No regrets, sa nakaraan na halos isang taon ko nakita at naramdaman ang totoong mga kaibigan. Sa panahon na yun bumuhos ang napakaraming blessings --- na-appreciate ko ang parents ko, mga kapatid at ang mga taong katulong namin sa hanapbuhay. I never felt closer to my kids and no amount of money could equal the satisfaction of spending time with my kids and mga pamangkin.

Eto na yata yung period na napakaraming nagawa: meron na akong MS Degree (hindi na kokontra si Volt!), laging kompleto sa tuog at kain (wala na nga kasya damit sa akin), konti lang nabili ko shoes (2 or 3 lang nga eh), walang international travel (pero dami domestic, not the usual places and I was paid to go there), true friends (alam nyo na kung sino kayo), new friends (ramdam nyo naman hindi kaplastikan di ba?)...

Highlights pa:

- Got hired in a high-paying job but turned it down, hindi ko feel ang makakasama ko sa work. Those who were privy to my US-AEP days know what this is about. I buried the hatchet BUT mabuti na din yung huwag na lang than have an axe to grind.

- I was (am?) an "other woman" - cannot, will not and shall not elaborate for the sake of the parties involved. Pinakamahalaga nag-enjoy, nagkaintindihan, and naayos.

- Inaway ako ni Manny sa Puerto Princesa - nawala ang poise ko dun! Sobra. Pero okay lang, nagkaintindihan naman kami and alam ng lahat kung ano ang totoo dahilan. Sa totoo lang, natatawa na lang ako nakakalasing pala talaga ang Cali (Oiiii, walang friendster account si Manny at wala direct access sa blogs, ang mag-tsika, aawayin nya sige!)

- Loan approved for my property in Fairview. Six more months...

- Senior Lecturer at THE University of Philippines, teaching THE ChemEngg 32 subject (Industrial Stoichiometry).  Never in my life I imagined magtuturo ako! No, hindi bumaba ang qualifications para makapagturo. Nagkataon lang nakita ako ni Doc Ernie pakalat-kalat sa UP, so ayun binigyan ako ng teaching load. Ganun lang. (Face value? hahaha!)

- Ako si Mechora Aquino, a.k.a "Tandang Sora"

- New car for Cynthia (on top of the newly renovated farm house and literally, fruitful ekta-ektaryang manggahan), GTZ Contract for Voltaire (Shutaks prend, I really miss you nah!), sandosenang raketship para kay Daisy, new baby for Sheila D, Ed O., Rica L., promotion for Sheila B, well-being for Tito Geri, seksi and boy-magnet pa din si Jov, bonggeysyus pa din si Au , madami hindi mamemention dahil sa space and timw limitations. Basta ang important dun lahat tayo blessed!

- etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Pumasok ang 2008 ang pera ko sa bank pang-minimum maintenance balance lang. Ano ang halaga ng pera kung wala ka naman kaibigan, kapuso at kapamilya? Meron nga dyan Php250,000 per month ang sweldo pero (ooopppssss!). . .  Okay pa din, nairaos na ang tuition ng kids, braces ni Kyle at wala naman utang. At, nagpa-rebond pa ako ng heyr!

Sa ngayon, eto naka-upo na naman sa ADB. Salamat sa iyo, Daisy --- maraming, maraming, maraming salamat for believing in me. You are such a blessing to me. Alam ko mas madami blessings kapalit dadating sa iyo. Sana dumami pa ang lahi mo sigurado napakasaya at maayos ang mundo.

Ang kulit, pero nag-uumapaw talaga ang blessings. Kung minsan nakakapagtataka din. Reap what you sow ba? Ewan. Admittedly, maldita at hindi ako santa. Sabi nga ng nanay ko tamad-tamad at tulog-tulog lang ako. Hindi din halata na mabait ako. Hindi ko din maexplain. Amazing!

I'll end with excerpts from Bo Sanchez's article, "How to be a Blessing-Magnet" (click this link for the complete article). Believe me, the strategies really work!

How to Be a Blessing-Magnet:

6 Strategies on How to Be Positive in A Negative World

1. Feel the Love. Receive the love from the people around you, no matter how small or imperfect. Celebrate every little gesture of love you receive. Make it a big thing! And you'll discover that you'll receive more and more love.

2. Be Grateful. Give thanks for every small blessing you receive. Before going to sleep, count at least 5 blessings you received on that day. Be grateful even for the bad things you received on that day, knowing there's a blessing inside. Gratitude attracts more blessings to come your way.

3. Trust. Yes, do all you possibly can! But at the end of the day, stop worrying. Surrender and trust God instead. Believe that the best is yet to come.

4. Have a vision. When you have a detailed graphic, exciting vision burning in your heart, you can't help but be positive. That powerful vision in your imagination will attract all the blessings you need to fulfill that vision. You'll be surprised. The blessings will just come, rolling down at your feet, begging that you receive them.

5. Love yourself. Be deliberate in loving yourself. Respect yourself. Don't belittle yourself, don't limit yourself, and don't call yourself derogatory names. Meet your needs. Aggressively care for yourself. When you do, others will respect you, love you, and meet your needs as well.

6. Love others. Whatever love you give, you receive it back multiplied. So wake up each morning because you want to love. make love the purpose of your life. When you make love the reason for everything that you do, even if there are dark storm clouds around you, the sun will always shine in your heart.

How big are you?

Does size really matter?

Find out here. (click the link)

A season, a reason or a lifetime?

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

(Please click here to continue)

Prayers

God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

- Evan Almighty (2007)

Pasasalamat - Thesis Acknowledgment

The thesis has been an inspiring, very challenging, but always interesting and exciting experience. I am very grateful to my advisers, Dr. Ernesto O. dela Cruz and Dr. Donato S. dela Cruz, for the patience, encouragement, many fruitful discussions, and never giving up on me. I would also like to express my sincere thanks to Dr. Cherry L. Chan for her invaluable advice. I am very grateful for the technical and financial support, great opportunity, and unique experience of working with her and the AFR team. Many thanks and heartfelt appreciation to:

- Dr.Malou Dalida and Dr. Baby de Leon – for sharing their expertise and helping me improve my work;
- My bestfriend, Cynthia – for the 20 years of true friendship;
- My friends, Voltaire, Daisy, and Manny – for the constant prodding to finish my MS, for helping me hold my ground, and for believing I could soar high;
- My EMB, USAID/US-AEP, and ADB/CAI-Asia families – for all the sleepless nights, resistance-building, energy-draining and emotional-wrecking moments that prepared me for the ordeal during the manuscript writing;
- My friends who kept me awake 24/7 literally and figuratively; and
- My treasures, John Gaebriel and Kyle Ian Matthew - for the inspiration and for showing me the true essence of being a parent.

Finally, I wish to thank my family for their continuous love and encouragement, for always believing in me, and for never failing to provide all the support. Nanay and Tatay, maraming, maraming, maraming salamat po for always taking care of me and my kids kahit pasaway ako.

Happy birthday to me!

No words are enough

i wish
i could say more
but
no words are enough

If You Forget Me

by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Ano ba ito?

What am I feeling now? Hindi maipaliwanag. Takot, kaba, nerbyos, excitement, kaligayahan, pagod? Ewan. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan basta agitated ako but still managing to stay calm and look cool. Parang hindi kasama sa character ko ang bumigay at mag-breakdown.

I woke up early this morning (6:30 am, early na yun dahil ang normal waking hours ko is past 7) because we need to be early sa office to extend assistance to the team sa workshop nila. Hindi ganun ka-vital ang role, actually to assist lang sa registration and sabi nga ng boss, the priority is to finish the China report. Pero naman, nakakakonsensya kung makikita silang nagpapakahirap physically, emotionally, psycologically doon samantalang I can lend an extra hand naman.

I took a cab from my place to MRT. First time ko mag-quezon avenue and I promise myself I will never ever ride in that station again, grabe ang dami ng tao. Ang nakakainis pa, segregated na nga ang mga babae, matatanda at disabled pero meron pa rin talagang mga pasaway na kahit maluwag ang coach ay manunulak at mangbabalya pa rin.

Bottomline, dumating ako 8:40 at syempre kitang-kita ako ng boss na tumatakbo at dahil naka-bright yellow sya, kitang-kita ko din sya. Wala na ibang daanan kungdi sa harap nya, hindi naman ako pwede mag-invisible mode dahil ang lilitawan ko naman ay sa tabi nya. So ayun, wala naman sinabi pero tumingin sa kanyang wristwatch at umiling...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May, Bert and I have been working loooonnnnggggg hours since last week for the China report and the rest of the team para sa 2 workshops naman ang inaasikaso. Pinakamaaga na uwi lagi ay 11pm, minsan inaabot pa ng pasado ala-una. Sabi nga ni May dun sa latest blog nya, normal na ang ganito. Si Alex nga nung minsan inabot ng 5:30am. In fairness, kahit mataas na ang stress level and highly agitated na ang mga tao wala pa rin bumibigay. Kaya nga parang wala akong karapatan mapagod at magreklamo...

Yun din ang sabi ng nanay ko nung isang umaga na nagbibihis ako at nagkukuwento about work. Nagsawa na sya ng kakatanong bakit ako ginagabi at kakapilit magpa-check-up ako kasi minsan grabe ang nosebleed ko  (sagot ko na lang kailangan lang magbawas ng brain cells kasi sobrang dami na hahahahaha).  Hwag daw ako magreklamo dahil yan ang pinili kong trabaho...

Minsan naiisip ko na tama nga ba ang naging desisyon ko...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When my US-AEP contract was about to end last year, I told myself I would give myself a month-long vacation. Walang gagawin kungdi matulog, kumain, mag-alaga ng bata, tapusin ang MS thesis at ayusin ang buhay ko afterall I've been through with personal and professional life, I believed I really need to pamper and love myself more. I deserve a break but naisip ko I need to earn and andun yung takot  na mawawalan ako ng work kapag nagbakasyon ako.

So a week after my contract ended, I was reporting already to Holcim. Syempre yung week na pahinga nauwi sa interviews, pag-aasikaso ng NBI, police at barangay clearance, at kung ano-ano pang requirements. Isama na rin ang pangungulit para i-release ng mga nagmamagaling na mga naiwan sa dati kong work ang clearance at sweldo ko. (Ayaw pirmahan ang clearance ko dahil sa mouse! My golly banani, of all things na tatangayin ko eh mouse na tig-100 pesos pa ba? Besides, I have my own laptop and my own blue optical mini-mouse. Some people talaga, tsk, tsk, tsk!)

I was the External Affairs Officer for the AFR Team in Holcim for 3 months. Pay was good plus ang dami benefits. During my short stay there napasama na ako sa 15th month pay. Na-order na rin ang cellphone at computer plus nasabi pa na dapat meron na rin Toyota Vios or Honda City. If I bring my own car, I can reimburse the gasoline. During travel, lahat ng related expenses were paid by the company. I had great teammates too! Oh, I love them so much besides that I have known most of the team members when I was still in the government. Nag-offer ang Holcim to shorten my probationary period so I could enjoy the full benefits package and with that pa, meron pa increase na konti sa salary. Magaan ang work, halos walang pressure. Most of it liaison work sa government agencies, NGOs and clients. Similar to my work in US-AEP but more of industry/private sector representation naman. Actually, I really wanted to join their team even before my US-AEP engagement.

So madami nagtatanong, bakit ako umalis? Why did I give up such package that will ensure a good future for me and my kids? Why did I opt to go to a contractual consultancy work which compensation is equivalent or even lesser compared to the non-monetary benefits and bonuses Holcim has offered? Hindi madali ang naging desisyon. I really asked a lot of people to help me. I prayed a lot during that time and just lifted up to the Lord kung ano ba talaga ang dapat sa akin. Admittedly, hindi ako religious and I still believe that most of what we are are products of our own doings but when I need to make decisions I always have faith and trust kung ano ang plan ng Diyos for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honestly, hindi ko alam ano ang meron ang CAI-Asia... Sa ngayon, wala pa akong panahon para isipin, manhid mode on muna ulit at magpapaka-robot dahil madami pa dapat ilagay sa China report. Deadline ngayong 3 pm...

Text Message

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets

So love the people who treat you right

Forget about the ones who did not

And believe that everything happens for a reason.

Know a good thing when you see it

And do not let it slip away.

If you get a chance take it

If it changes your life, let it.

Nobody said that it would be easy

They just said it would be worth it.